1 year gone already...My Papito

I would like to begin by saying this, you are never too busy for the ones you love. Make that call now, pay them that visit, take a little time off work and visit home, it might be the last time you would hear from them.

By exactly 9:11pm on this day, a year ago my Papito passed on. I am still living in oblivion of what has happened, I have not yet fully accepted what has now become my reality.

On Saturday 7th April 2018, I made my routine call to my Papito for our dotting daughter-father chat where i  relive the days activities and he calms me down with his soothing words, though he struggled to remember things due to dementia. I called him and he requested for me to come home and visit him. I had been promising to visit him but I kept moving it, I honestly thought it was work that was keeping me but in retrospect, it was not work but procrastination. I thought he will always be there, but o boy was I wrong!  I promised to come the upper week to visit him and I meant it this time, so I unusually asked him to pray for me. He laughed, and he spent 24 minutes dishing out all sorts of blessings on me, we bid our good night. Little did I know that I just bid him farewell.

On Monday, I got a call he had another stroke,  he had fallen and was rushed to the  hospital and he was fine. I called but he was not available to talk on the phone, I called Tuesday and was told they went to church but that as soon as he is able to talk he would call me. Work took my attention for some hours and I was already warming up to travel the coming weekend, bags packed. I came home from work on Thursday and I was so so exhausted I went to bed. Not knowing what had happened, what had happened that everyone knew except me. They were already scared to tell me.

I had a restless night and i did not even know why. In the morning, I got ready for work, big bro drove us to work but this time he made a diversion to Dei Dei . I thought maybe he was going to get fuel, but he said he wanted us to go to our sisters place to get a jerrycan.  "Ah ah" I thought to myself jerrycan kwa? Well I tried to get busy with my phone to read my mails.

On getting to our sisters house we met her in the parlor, her husband and some other relations, I thought to myself, why would someone come to visit this early?. Well we all sat down and I was really not in the mood for uncle and aunty but I sat down waiting for the jerrycan we came for, then my in-law greeted us all (that was when i knew we were in a meeting!). He said "last night Chief had another fall". Everywhere was quiet so I said I am sure he will be fine. He continues "He had the attack at 1am infact we do not know if he is alive or not’ I was already upset, I told him chief is alive, die ke? he will be alive till 100 years (that was my agreement with God and he never fails, right). He then said “In short what I am trying to say is Chief is no more with us”

 Is he high? Then my sister started crying, my brother and his wife started crying and the rest. I was still confused really with them (they knew already, that was why big bro lied to me about the jerrycan) so I left the parlor and called my mum. I could barely hear her through her cry, all I heard was “Your father has gone, he could not wait for you to even visit with hisstockfish”. I cut the call. I could not cry. I was upset with myself and i was more upset with God, i thought we had a deal! I wanted to wake up from what i thought was a bad dream. I thought to myself, if I had traveled earlier he would not have died. If I had been there he would not have died. If I had paused a bit from work and just paid a little attention, if I had known. I felt guilty. Did he die wishing I was there? Is he happy with me? These and more I had in my head. I was going crazy.

Immediately we journeyed to Owerri, I held my mum as she searched my eyes with so much questions, but I hugged her tightly while trying to console her. I could not cry but I told her to be strong, I urged her to do the very thing I was trying so hard to do.

I wanted to see my papito, I told them to take me to him. I have never been to the mortuary before infact I forbade mortuary, I would not even look at a mortuary building but yet here I am willing and ready to knock the mortuary door down to see my Papito and probably take him home or wake up from the dream or sleep. Right? 

The mortuary attendants gave a stern warning that we should not scream and if you do not have the mind you should not come into the mortuary. Mind? Girl I could kill a lion with the way I feel right now. So the door was opened and I walked pass right through the middle of dead people. I looked to the right and saw a child lying dead among others, I looked to the left and saw a pregnant woman lying dead among others.  I walked pass through to the inner room of mortuary......then there he was, my Papito, quiet, silent……Dead.

He looked so calm, well rested as if he was smiling. He was just at peace. I walked to him and all I said was “I am sorry I came late Papito please forgive me Papito I came late”. I was angry with myself, I could not forgive myself. I carried the hate and anger for myself for a long time........sigh

I cannot believe today is 1 year this happened but it still feels like yesterday. I can still smell the death hanging in the air of that room.

What are your excuses for not making that call or visiting your loved ones? Work? School?  Like I said before, we are never too busy for the ones we love, we should make out time for them. Our parents especially, they have been there for us, from the time of our birth, their unequivocal love deserves to be returned in due measure. Show them how much you love them, call them, tell them you love them. Do not be that child that spends more on their parents dead than when they were alive.

You do not know what the next second holds for you, but try not to live a life of regrets. I and my Papito spoke everyday, and every single day, I miss having those conversations with him, but I speak to him in my heart, cos that is one place I known he will live on forever.

Rest in Peace my captain, my sugar daddy, my Papito. Till we meet again to part no more.......