Happy Birthday Papito

Today you would have been celebrating your birthday as usual Papito but I know you will have a blast in Heaven.

It is not hurting so bad anymore you know.

I know I am yet to come to terms with the transition of my Papito (I cannot even call it what it is ). Today I choose to celebrate your birthday and not cry because I know that's not what you would want me to do.

After the transition of Papito, I became numb, I refused to accept it, to me simply it meant he traveled and would come back. I was numb to the feelings that were growing inside me. I knew I could not question God, and I knew I can choose to deal with my feelings how I want to. Hence I became numb to the hurt. However, I would cry every night to bed and in the mornings have the best makeup on to cover up my pain.

I cried for long........ then one night, Papito came to me in the dreams on 4 good occasions and on different days. (Many Christians do not believe in this type of thing, but no explanation will convince me it was not my Papito that visited me in the dream)

In the first dream, he had a short conversation with me that he was fine and I should stop worrying (I argued it). In the second dream, second time, he tried to convince me again that he was happy, and happy he had died as he is in a good place (of course I argued it again). He still tried to convince me.  I woke up and still continued my routine of every night cries then he came to me again in the dream the third time, and this time was different.

He told me he wanted to sleep but I was disturbing him (in his usual way), I guess by this he meant my frequent cries in the night was not allowing him to 'sleep' in peace, I busted out laughing and he said it again that he would like to sleep but I am disturbing him and he could not sleep well. I threw my arms around him and told him but I was missing him. He busted out laughing, hugged me so tight and we laughed so hard I woke up and felt cold chills around me. (I guess that was my cue to stop crying, fighting his transition and stop questioning his transition)The last and final dream was more intense (I am not going to share this yet, it is very personal to me)

Since then, I stopped crying. But I do not intend to let him go or come to terms he is not there anymore yet. They said I should let him go ,but I feel letting him go easily feels like I did not care.

Well, today I chose to celebrate him and do exactly what he would want me to do in his name.

Happy Post Homous Birthday My Papito!

We all love you and miss you, but we know you are in the best place, watching over us especially me....

From your otumboyo finest daughter Chizoba! (Yassssssssssss)

xoxo