Aso Ebi Wahala

Grin Grin Grin....(phone ringing)

Her:Hello Oge

Me:Baby gal how far na?

Her:I dey o, and you?

Me:I dey too my dear, how wedding preparation na?

Her: Na why I dey call you sef , my asoebi is out o!

Me: Ehhh?

Her: Yes o, the colors are cockroach brown headtie and yellowish indigo lace it's just 35k....

Me:Hello?... Hello? Hello?.... Kai network.

Her:Can you hear me? I can hear you...

Me: Hello?.... Hello..

Call ends due to inexplicable network issues on my end, specifically in my phone.

Case closed!....

Dear people of God,

So he asks you, and you say yes.

Then you begin to plan wedding.

Then you go to market to buy asoebi material.

You see the latest lace in town and buy, and bill us, the association of those that helped you say yes, 30k and above for wedding asoebi. Asoebi o, not like we will be getting free husbands with the clothe, or it will be already sewn, or the dress will act like a magic carpet and transport me to the venue of your wedding .

I will pay MY OWN TRANSPORTATION..

Sometimes sef, you will have like 3 or more of these weddings lined up. Edakun if I comot 90k from my salary to buy asoebi, won't my baby be looking at me like "Mummy sho wa okay?"

My sisters in the Lord,

We are happy for you, we really are, but we would prefer to be happy in a less expensive way. 

Back in the good old days eh, weddings were easy biko...

Your aunty will just take your clothe measurement and use broom and measure your leg and boom, party clothe has set o! Complete with wig and shoe. But now eh, e tire me...

What did we say is the problem of Nigeria again?

I know someone that is a tailor and was getting married and billed her friends 20k for bridal train clothe...

That she sewed...

Using fabric that cost 1000 per yard...

Her bridesmaids were size 12 and under....

Please what other sign of end time do we need again?

On behalf of the friends that have bills to pay biko, if you are reading this and your wedding is soon, kindly consult us the friends as regards to our budget for asoebi, so you know exactly what to buy inu?

*singing in my Teni Voice*

Cos my Papa no be Dangote or Adeleke and my sister, I no go dey okay.....

If I continue to buy asoebi at this rate how will I be able to build house in Maitama or Banana Island?

Pity my salary.

However, in case you decide to go ahead with your expensive asoebi, my line is unavailable at the moment, please try again after you have reduced the price.

Das how I roll...

P.S- Do not, I repeat DO NOT put  JUST in front of anything that is more than 10k....

Ndewo!.